Part of Me

"This is the part of me that you're never gonna ever take away from me."  Since last night, I've been doing a lot of thinking about who I am and who I want to be.  So if you don't know a lot about me, I'm here to fill you in.  I love to laugh and joke around more than I like to be serious.  I'm typically a pretty hyper person and my jokes/references are sometimes too provocative and maybe a little offensive to some people, but it's who I am.  I try not to think too much before I speak because I like to say what I want to say and when I want to say it.  I make a lot of Dane Cook references because he is my all time favorite comedian for obvious reasons. I'm very open about things that "normal" people would be private about... especially "normal" girls.  On the spectrum of the girly and tomboy descriptions, I consider myself to fall somewhere in the middle.  I feel ugly if I don't wear makeup and have my hair fixed, but I don't like to dress up that often.  I'm a t shirt and jeans kind of a girl.  I'd prefer to wear a neon tanktop with skinny jeans and my Nike high tops to a party rather than heels and a dress that's completely uncomfortable.  My room is spraypainted with neon colors, not pink with princess decorations.  Some people say that I act too much like a "bro" but I don't think a "bro" would walk around with makeup on and highlights in his hair.  I like pretty much any type of music.  Some days I'm listening to my classic rock playlists and some days I'm belting out glee mashups.  I live for horror and gory movies.  I love to dance, even though sometimes I look ridiculous.  Me and my roommate are going to start a flash mob and perform on campus by the time we graduate.  Lastly, I have two tattoos.  One of them is located in the middle of my shoulders and it says "don't stop believin'" and the other is on the inside of my bicep on my left arm.  It's the libra balance symbol and it means to keep balance in your life.  Anyways, now you have an idea of who I am.  Well in the past few months, I've felt the need to try and change who I am to be more appealing to guys and more respected by my friends.  I've been dressing more fashionably for class, thinking way too hard before I send a text to a guy, and even holding off on changing into my comfy clothes when I get home.  I've been trying so hard to convince myself that that's how I should be, that I need to be more "normal".  But then last night, I realized that I don't want to be "normal".  I don't want to be in a stereotype.  I want to be exactly who I am and I don't want anyone to try and change me.  If you don't like me for me, then get out of my life because there's no room for haters.  My point in all of this is to be you and only you.  You can't let other people's opinions get in the way of who you really are.  Don't live your life trying to impress everyone, because it will never happen.  There will always be people that have something bad to say about you and when those people come around, distance yourself because they are not worth the trouble.  Just be comfortable with yourself and when you look in the mirror, make sure YOU'RE happy with who YOU are.  Your opinion of yourself comes first and foremost.  Now don't get me wrong, there is always room for improvement.  For instance, I have terrible study skills and I could stand to exercise more often, but those are the things that I have to fix for myself because it'll be better for me in the long run.  But I'm not gonna starve myself to look like what some people refer to as "beautiful" just because some guy doesn't appreciate my curves.  It's important to remember that giving your heart to someone is okay, just don't give them all of you.  You are no one's property but your own.  Love yourself and be proud of who you are, cause chances are, you're an amazing person underneath the "normal" disguise.

Never let go

So I'm gonna start this one off a little differently than usual.  There's not a specific quote or song that inspired these thoughts, just my heart I guess.  There are so many great people, places, and values that we come across in life. Whether it's a best friend or a favorite picture, we latch onto them like a leech.  When we truly care about these things, we can't give them up, no matter what.  Even if it takes a tough fight and some blood, sweat, and tears.  These are our dreams, our miracles, our saviors.  Without them, we could never survive.  Our families and friends are at the top of the list.  But then comes our education, our careers, and our desires.  Right now, as a sophomore in college, it is easy to get distracted and forget the main reason of why I'm here, in this apartment, at school in Blacksburg, Virginia.  I'm here to study, to do well, and to achieve my goals.  However, sometimes I find myself worrying way too much about what I'm going to do this weekend, who I'm going to hang out with, what I'm going to drink, and of course, which guy is going to talk to me.  I get way too caught up in worrying about these stupid things that my goals seem as though they've faded away.  Yes, it's necessary to have fun every once in awhile, but it's extremely important to stay focused on your dreams, because without my education, I'll never get where I want to go.  So I guess what I'm trying to say is keep hold of what you want and never let go.  Don't let the little things get in the way of the big things.  But remember to maintain balance.  Have fun, go out to parties, hang out with your friends, hang out with guys (the good ones at least), and allow yourself some time to relax.  But keep your priorities straight and keep your head in the game.  Don't ever stop caring, because as soon as you do, your whole world will come crumbling down.  So hold on tight, and NEVER let go.

Still An Innocent

"It's alright, just wait and see, your string of lights is still bright to me, oh, who you are is not where you've been, you're still an innocent.  It's okay, life is a tough crowd, 32, and still growin' up now. Who you are is not what you did.  You're still an innocent."  Growing up is just about the hardest task that life throws at you.  Each year passes and you get excited to finally be independent, but it's not as great as it seems.  Sure it's nice to live on your own, have no curfew, and basically do whatever you want.  But then there's also the baggage that comes with it.  The pressure to be successful, the need for money, and the emotional stress.  Life is moving so fast and there's no reversing it.  Remember those days when the most exciting thing to happen during the day was recess? When all you wanted was to get home to play with your barbies? The only excitement that I have right now is if I somehow manage to get a good grade on something or if I have alcohol in my possession.  Even then, I still find myself worrying about a million things when I attempt to fall asleep at last night.  I'm one of those people that overanalyzes everything at all times.  Whether it's a text message with a period at the end, or a "rude" stare from someone that I don't even know, I let it upset me.  I worry my life away instead of enjoying the good things.  So I found myself listening to this Taylor Swift song the other night and it brought back memories of being a kid and having no worries.  There were no boys to rain on my parade, the only money that I needed was monopoly money, and my biggest success was climbing to the top of the jungle gym.  It's important to accept responsibility as we grow older, but just because I'm 19 doesn't mean I can't settle in for a date night with Aladdin.  From now on, don't "worry", just take out your stress on some Hulkhands.  No matter where you've been or where you're going, deep down you're still an innocent.

Memories

"Life's all about moments of impact and how they change our lives forever. But what if one day you could no longer remember any of them?"  We face good and evil in our everyday lives.  We experience excitement, pain, fear, and worst of all, sorrow.  But all of these experiences make us who we are.  Without the broken hearts, the tragedies, the stupid fights we have with our friends, and the failing test grades, how would we know what to improve?  In the movie The Vow, Rachel McAdams wakes up after overcoming a horrible brain injury from a car accident and has no memory of a certain era of her life.  Could you even imagine? What would you do, think, and feel? Her character says "it's like a do-over for my life".  But really, we should live without regrets.  We should never feel like we need a do-over because frankly, we wouldn't be ourselves without each and every memory that we have.  Rachel's character is different after the accident because she's missing that gap of knowledge.  I personally can say that I have had some rough experiences in my 19 and a half years of life, and I've learned so many lessons because of them.  Those are the experiences that have made me a better person.  Next time you're feeling upset over something, just think about what you've gained.  Whether it be a bad drug/alcohol experience or a bad approach for showing interest in a guy, you now know what not to do.  However, there are times when we make the same wrong decision on multiple occasions.  These are the hardest times because we know after the first time that we shouldn't put ourselves through more pain but we live in the moment, and sometimes that's just how it's meant to be.  Eventually we grow tired of the negative impact that these wrong decisions put on our lives and we gain the strength to make the better decisions.  So keep your memories and don't try to erase them because A) it's merely impossible and B) memories make us who we are.  Appreciate life because you never know how instantly it could change. 

Home

"Ahh home, let me come home, home is wherever I'm with you." ain't it the truth. So I'm sitting here on this lovely Saturday night at "home". My parents are at the beach and my friends all have plans. Something about being alone at "home" takes the complete meaning out of the word. A house is not a home unless your loved ones are there with you. At this point in my life, sitting in the living room with my three roommates is my idea of home. Each time I bundle up in my little mermaid blanket and lounge on my big green chair, I can sense the love and the comfort that is wafting througout my tiny apartment. Even if it means we're watching Bridesmaids for the one hundredth time and quoting all of the lines. I'll even admit how much I enjoy looking over into our neighbors' apartment to watch them acting stupidly. I bet no one else is able to have water balloon fights with their neighbors. Jealous? Anyways,the point is, home is all around you. It's not about the place, it's about the people. Be thankful for the people in your life and love them with every piece of her heart. In the end, you're always at home.

I'll Follow You into the Dark

"If Heaven and Hell decide that they both are satisfied, illuminate the No's on their vacancy signs, if there's no one beside you when your soul embarks, then I'll follow you into the dark."  While the majority of us do our best to live optimistic lives, there will always be a handful that choose to do the opposite.  We should always be on the lookout for the pessimists of the world, because converting the mindsets of these people will result in a win-win situation.  They win because they can now enjoy the meaning of life, and we win because we have the satisfaction of knowing that we made a difference.  So the next time you hear your friend saying, "I don't care about anything because there's no reason to care.  There are too many times that things have fallen apart for me,  therefore, I just don't care about anything anymore", remind he/she that this will get he/she absolutely nowhere.  It will send people down windy roads with sketchy scenery and a lot of trash and there is nothing beautiful about that.  The beauty in life comes from motivation, accomplishment, love, and most importantly, strength.  We must always have motivation, because otherwise nothing would ever get done.  When we have motivation, we are productive, which leads us to the feeling of accomplishment.  Accomplishment leads us to the love that we receive from others and the love that we have for what we do, who we are, and who we're with.  Lastly, strength is the main source of life.  We must have the strength to fight through the good and the bad things that we come across every day, the strength to motivate ourselves, the strength to be proud of our accomplishments, and the strength to love each and every person, even the pessimists.  Chase after them into the darkness so that you may bring them into the light.

A New Dawn, A New Day, A New Life

"You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it."  Day after day we waste time wondering "what if?" and never take the plunge.  Whether it's confessing your love to a guy or telling your roommate that you're tired of her hair clogging the drain in the bathroom, we back down.  Instead of twisting our minds with questions of the future, we should step up and let the future follow at the heals of our feet.  So be real, be honest, and express your emotions at every moment in time and something great will come of it.  Every failed goal leads to a greater, more successful accomplishment.  So you told a guy how you felt about him and got rejected.  It happens to the best of us.  But a week, month, or maybe even a year later, someone better will come along.  Instead of wasting your time moping about some asshole who couldn't handle you, hold your head up high and plant a smile on your face.  We miss new opportunities when we act like sore losers.  Take control of your life, be you and only you, and don't let failure get you down, because in the end, failure doesn't really exist.  Failure is nothing more than an excuse to feel sorry for yourself.  Forget your troubles and let nothing stand in the way of your happiness.  You've got 20 seconds starting in 3...2...1.